Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

Well all that was supposed to happen has. Let Me explain. Well the HR situation has been resolved to the dismay of the Ex-wife and the bitching has not stopped since June 17th when her lawyer told her there was nothing she can do which I have told her before but didn't believe me. The ex-wife turned to her lawyer and bitched at her for not getting anything for the money she spent on the representation. I interjected and said it was your decision to retain a lawyer don't blame her. It was free money to her because she knew how this was going to finish. Also in the meeting I'm getting back all my military stuff back and all my tools she was holding hostage since the split because she is a bitter woman. She says it's about the kids but all I hear is the opposite from the kids in respect to getting what they need. I prevailed in court and had the money I overpaid into a overage account so I can pay a portion of the payment to make a full payment. I checked with the child support enforcement division and they informed me all I needed was $84.95 fulfil mt obligation this week. When the EX was informed of the amount she blew up and she complained again but C.S. enforcement told her that is what she is entitled too and no more until next payment. She then called me and was screaming over the phone so I just hung up and she called back started all over again and I hung up again. I guess 3 times a charm because she called again and I said if you start screaming again I will call the sheriffs office and file a report of harassing phone calls, so she in a better tone asked what was I doing and I said "What ever do u mean?" said with the child support and I replied that is what is owed after the retroactive money was figured out. Did u get the $84.95 and she said yes, so you've been paid in full until next payment is due. She replied that's not fair and I replied the world is not fair but this is right and if u want to dispute this go to the dept of revenue and asked them because they will tell you what I've said but u won't believe me, go find out for yourself and another thing don't call me anymore regarding child support. She replied I'll get you and I replied you've got to be allot better to catch me remember I'm Mr. Teflon. Nothing Sticks.

HR Services are a Trip

Working for the Government can be rewarding but also very frustrating when it comes to the HR Dept. Back in mid April I received a Fed Ex letter stating that because I had missed a Child Support payment that they are now taking the Child support out of my pay directly. According to the Divorce settlement that is correct if I'm more than 7 days late the Dept. of Revenue can garnish my wages for the money owed but there was no money owed because I was 1 payment ahead and I was advised not to make that weeks payment. So, I didn't. When I received the letter I immediately went down to the Child Support Enforcement and asked what this was and they said The Dept. of Revenue garnished my wages with no just cause. They gave me paperwork to take to the Dept. of Revenue to prove that the payment wasn't missed and was a clerical error. I went down to the office and spoke to a Counselor and all was fixed but the order was already sent to my HR dept. On April 23, 2009 I went to my HR Dept. at my office and stated that the order needs do be rescinded. They faxed a stoppage of the order but it's now May 27, 2009 and it's still in effect. I called to inquire about the status of the rescinded order and was told the specialist in charge of those orders was out for the day and to call back tomorrow to check the status. I was told by my HR Dept. that a rush to rescind the order was in place. I get paid this Saturday and I hope this is stopped by then. This is Government work so it can take years before it's stopped.

The Day the Subpoena was Served

I filed the court documents for the modification of Child Support March 13,2009 and once she is served with the subpoena, she has 20 days to respond to the action or it will go straight to the judge for finalization. Angela was served on the 25th of March and on the same day my eldest daughter got into an accident with Angela's car. I was driving home when I received a call from Angela who yelled at me "YOUR DAUGHTER CRASHED MY CAR" and I replied Is my daughter OK? Angela again said "MY CAR IS WRECKED" I replied " I DON'T CARE, HOW IS MY DAUGHTER? Angela then hung up on me. I then called my daughter on her cell and she answered and began crying immediately and I said Are you OK? she said I bumped my head on the steering wheel but I'm OK. I told her I will be there in 30 minutes, stay there and I get you. When I arrive at the scene my daughter is sitting in the car and Angela is screaming at her from the door and I said "Shut your fucking pie hole". Angela walked away. I said to Angela this is not the place to be screaming at anyone, you do that at home if you feel like it. The woman whom my daughter hit in the rear was like is she nuts or what and I said NUTS. I tended to my daughter because she started getting a bad headache, so I gave some Advil I had in my bag and asked my son to walk to the Amscot to fill a bottle water for his sister. I also asked the other driver if she was OK and by her reaction I knew she was going to sue. But that is not my problem anyone more. She is going to have to deal with it. But once again Angela's Daddy come to the rescue and gives her his Chevy Impala, the same vehicle as I have. I hope she takes care of this one because I think this is the last gift she will get but you never know. Good to have parents with money. My daughter was very upset about the accident but what hurt her the most was that her Mom never asked her if she was OK. That crushed her and that is one reason why I think Angela has changed because of her behavior towards the kids. She was a good mom but now I think she cares only for herself and her things.

No Reward for Bad Behavior

It was Christmas 08' and I had purchased all the gifts for my kids and also bought a Xbox 360 for my son but because of his behavior, disrespect and his lack of desire to go to school I returned it to the store. The Xbox was to be an incentive for him to get his life on track in regards to school and how he treats his mom but it didn't seem to work so I returned the Xbox. I had previously told him if he doesn't change his behavior I will return the Xbox and when I did he got very upset with me. I said What are you getting upset with me, I gave you an opportunity to learn from you mistakes and be a better person and get a reward for doing so. You knew the consequences of your actions if you didn't change the way you were behaving. What I thought was funny is my Ex-wife called to complain about me returning the Xbox and I said Are you kidding me?. You want me to reward him for calling all kinds a vile names to get what he wants out of you. She said now she has to deal with his yelling and cursing . I said you caused this problem by not dealing with him in the beginning and let him gain control of the house. You gave up your authority by not dealing with the issue and now you want to blame me, No I'm sorry your not going to place blame here. It seems I am the only one standing against his behavior towards you. I said your acting like a battered woman and maybe you are but I've done everything in my power to help but if your just going to condone the abuse by not dealing with it I can't help you. I told her If you would have been tougher and made my son go to school he wouldn't be failing. He has been out of school for more than 70 days I told her and she replied that his problem. I said it will be your if the school gets off it's lazy ass and decides to come after you for his truancy. You are the custodial parent and you are responsible for him going to school.

Well it's Christmas Day and the kids are coming over for our traditional Christmas Lasagna, garlic bread and dessert. I cleaned up the apartment and rearranged the living room to fit everyone for dinner. As I was getting things ready for dinner my daughter mentioned than Angela is home alone today. I thought about it and told my daughter to call her mom to see if she would like to come over for dinner and she accepted. Awkward but I did it for the kids not her. Angela was home alone because her girlfriend had taken her son to see his grandparents. We ate dinner and had dessert and after we exchanged gifts. Angela left shortly thereafter so I can have my time with the kids. We had a fun time talking and joking around with each other and then I dropped them off at home around 9pm. It was a good day for me. I'm thankful for the chance to spend time with my kids, I don't get many chances with all 3 at the same time very often.

Eldest Daughters Boyfriend and Family

Well I found out that my eldest daughter is see a new guy and no one told me and at first I tought he was ok but there was something wrong. I felt I wasn't being given the whole story. I took them out fro some wings at the Wing House in our town and watched a local baseball team play. I then called my EX-wife and asked her is there anything she would like to tell me about this boyfriend. Angela said that apparently this guy has been arrested for molesting a girl younger than 16 y/o and she has been having sex with him for a month after dating him for 1 1/2 months. I said what?. Well now I know why the hairs stood up when I looked at him. I decided to have a meeting at my apartment with the 2 of them and asked Angela if she would like to attend and she accepted. I did a background check by using some resources that are available to me and found his arrest record and report of the incident. I picked them both up at the Burger King and brought them back to my place where Angela had been waiting. I had them sit on my couch. I began saying I not doing this to hurt anyone but I want some clarification as to the circumstances and the reason she decided to stay with this joker after hearing of this. I then showed the arrest report to (I'll call him Jose) Jose and the blood drew from his face. My daughter said How did u get that?. I replied what do I do for a living. I can find things about people. Jose explained it's all a misunderstanding with the girls parents. The girl was jelous that he was seeing another girl and wanted him to be her boyfriend so he rejected her she made this accusation. I was arrested and that stopped him from entering the Military(Airforce). My daughter became very upset and said everyone needs to stop involving themselves in her life. I explained to her I am very disappointed in her because I taught her better to involve herself with a criminal and that she is worth more than this piece of garbage. She actually befended him and thats when I knew she was hooked by him. I leaned toward him and said this "If ever you put a hand on her in anger I will kill you and your whole fucked up family" I know that is a threat but what is a father to do. He understood where I was coming from and there was an understanding. I have meet his alcoholic father and grandparents and let them know that I not someone to fool around with because I will do what I say if any harm comes to my daughter. Since then there has been no uproar from him or his family.

Confessions and Regrets

There was a day when my Ex-wife showed up at my house early on a Saturday in a very strange mood. One I have never seen before. I let her into my place and she sat at my computer chair and began crying and I asked her what the problem was?. She answered "She was sorry for what she did and how she ended our marriage". Why are your saying this now? I asked and she responded that she is unhappy in her situation and wishes it were different. I said to her what did you think was going to happen when you deceived, lied and treated me as you did. I told you this is going to come back to you ten fold, nothing will be the same ever. Did you think the grass was greener on the other side I said to her. She said to me that she has no friends, no life to speak of and she is stuck in the house 24/7 because she works from home so there is no going out for lunch with friends because they are all in the office and what friends that she has live 30 miles away and can't just up and go like she used to when she worked out of the office. I said I can't help you with that. My EX-wife Angela sent me an e-mail that said this

Manny,

I'm happy to know you get it, but sad that it took so long. I know you were unhappy for much of our marriage because you lost your zest for living. It has always upset me to see you zone out in front of the TV rather than get out and enjoy life. You gave me that joy in our early years and it's something our kids have learned as they've grown. They are always out living their lives. That's why Sammi was so unhappy dating Angelo... he stopped her from living and doing and being. I had hoped we could remain friends, at least in time. I do love you, Manny. And I do have regrets and I am sorry for a lot of things. When Tinker was sick, I thought we had the chance to be good to each other without all the crap. And when she died... Then with Toni being so involved with Jacquie that she went retarded. And Matt with his moments of not coping well and lashing out. And Sammi, she just wants to hide under the covers and hop it will all go away. We have great kids, Manny. We have done wonderful things.I just wish you would learn to stop giving up on yourself so easily, so quickly, and so totally. I don't now, nor have I ever, wanted you to go away. And I know the kids don't really want that either. They may think it will make things easier but they will only end up feeling you didn't want them or they weren't important enough to keep you near them. And Toni is still seeking your approval. Remember yourself back in the day when you were too busy hating family to try to see where they were coming from. You would have missed out on some great memories with your father, Martha, Mama Giga, Annie, Carlos, your niece and nephew. Toni only gets hateful because she feels she can't do anything right enough for you. She WANTS your approval and I don't know how she's going to handle this change in things. I know you want the best for your kid. And you deserve credit for the way they turned out too. I can't believe you would walk away from them, as you make it sound like you are. You are a wonderful guy and I wish only the best for you. I had hoped we could enjoy our children and continue to raise them and be there for them keeping up that united front so they would know we both meant business and were doing things for their best interest. I hate to see you go, especially if it means the kids won't have access to you. I am truly sorry for hurting you but I am more sorry I couldn't make you happy. I was never the wife you wanted and I am sorry you settled for me. I hope you find happiness and get that love of life back that you had. Always joking, laughing, going places, doing things. That's the Manny I miss and fell in love with. Thank you for sharing that part of your life with me and teaching me not to be afraid to live a little.

Angie

This e-mail was response to this e-mail I sent her which was this

Angie

I would like to say sorry for not being a great husband. I've messed my opportunity to be a great husband. I realize I failed you and myself in that aspect. I now realize I was a hard person to live with but my emotions get to me when I realize my wife was not being faithful. What I should have done was when I woke up every morning and to say to myself, How can I make you happy today? and I didn't do that and I'm sorry. That is something I can't change now but maybe someday I can do that with someone else. I getting all my affairs in order so when I go, their will be no regrets. Have a good Christmas and tell the kids I love them.

Manny

That e-mail says everything about my regrets during our marriage because I thought if I provided a loving home then everything will be fine but I guess that wasn't enough for her. She always wanted more, it was never enough. I tried to give my family everything I had and more and my dreams of the future have now been destroyed. I wanted a wife who was caring , patient, understanding and she was in the beginning. I wanted a partner who was passionate about life and I not always having to entertain her. Most of all I wanted a wife who was passionate with her husband. She was always timid and that should have been a sign to me that our marriage is doomed. Not that sex is the only thing in a marriage but for a relationship to be healthy there must be a healthy sex life. She never let herself enjoy sex, like it was a sin to enjoy sex.
I feel as if after all that has happened and all that will happen, this has been a good thing for me. I get to stop worring about what she is thinking because I truely don't care what she thinks anymore. She wants to equate our divorce as a war, declaring winning or losing depending on the issue at hand. I told her it's not about winning or losing, it's about what is right and best for our kids. If she doesn't see that, there is going to be alot of unnecessary drama coming her way. At this time in my life all I want is to be rid of her but I never will be because she is the mother of my kids. I have come to the realization that it is a waste of my time and energy fighting with Angela whenever she calls to complain because I'm letting her upset me is what she wants to do. So, now I know this, I can stop it from happening anymore by just letting her vent and say How can I help you deal with this? I do this with no regrets.

The kids

My kids are the best thing that came out of my 20 year marriage. I love them very much but now they seem to think that because I'm not there 24/7 they can do what ever they please and that is the furthest for the truth. After all my kids have done since Angela and I have split and divorced has really disappointed me to no bounds. They have lost all common sense and don't have to fear any consequences because Angela is not the authority figure I was. I now realize that it was me who held the kids in check and they new there were consequences to there actions when I was living in the house. I didn't put up with crap and they new it. I had boundries that were not to be crossed. I wasn't a tyrant but I was tough and they new that their bad behavior was not tolerated. I did what I could to make my kids happy and appricate the things they have. We had pool parties with all there friends for all their B-days and for the Fourth of July or just whenever they said can we have a pool party. I 'd go to Sam's and buy the bugers and hotdogs and all the fixin's. I was very good with there friends but when Angela and split, she started to tell her friends lies about me, but a couple of them saw thru her lies and have continued to talk to me when I see them around at functions. My eldest has always been a drama queen and some what of a basket case. She takes everything personnally and holds grudges to the point of harming herself. She used to be a cutter and I asked her why and she said because the stress was getting to her about the divorce. I said but honey this is between your mom and me. There is no reason for you to do this, you may be upset but you can always come to talk to me anytime whether I'm here or not. I'm still your Dad and nothing is going to change that. My middle child also a daughter is more well adjusted, yes this the one who walked out on me at the townhouse. She has her moments of stupidity. Last September she stated to me she wanted to come live with me again but this time unfortunity I said no because I don't want to get burned again by her and her flip flopping. She asked me Why? I said I'm not going to back stabbed again by you. I told her she needs to work out her differences with her mom and stop acting a fool. She talked it out with her mom and everything blew over. Now my son who is the youngest and the biggest(Tall) of all my kids but also can be the biggest pain in the butt. I found out that just this year alone he has missed 70+ days of school and Failed for the year because Angela doesn't want to fight with my son in the morning and get him off to school. She doesn't realize that his mom not me, can be put in jail for him missing so many days of school and it seems Angela doesn't care. It seems whether he passes or not doesn't matter as long as I keep paying the support for the kids. I asked directly why don't you make him go to school and she replied that's his problem. I was like WOW. Why don't I do anything, she said and I replied you are the custodial parent, you are ultimately responsible for his educational needs but your failing in that respect. Angela has asked me to talk to him about schooland he says she lets him get away with it . I told regardless of what your mom does you should have a person goal to finish school and do the best you can because at his point your not graduating on time and going to college is forgone conclusion. I said to him he is messing with his future and it's not looking pretty. I was just told the school has a program for just this type of situation, next year he'll be going to high school for half the day them going to Marchmen for the rest of the day for vocational traing and if he passes both he'll graduate with his class next year and on time and with a skill that can be advanced thru going to college. Hopefully he'll get it done.